We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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