YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
