Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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