I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
