You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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