i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
