So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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