my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
