can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
