I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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