he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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