I cannot find my penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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