I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
