worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
