His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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