Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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