i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
