I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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