I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
