This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
