Sponge bath it is.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
