How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
