you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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