thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
