Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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