every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
