im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
tell me about the fingering
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