At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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