Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
