dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
