I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
