Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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