today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's just like the Real World with babies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
