my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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