i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
