I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
