I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
