it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
