We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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