My room smells like vodka and shame
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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