I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
