he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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