this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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