just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
