Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
