So drunk its hurt
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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