he puts the penis in happiness.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
