she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
