if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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