I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
