Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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