so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
