It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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