Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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