Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
